I love you every moment of every day. A back to school commercial just ran on TV and I'm instantly taken to 'back to school' shopping for your supplies. Do you remember how much you loved when I had the shops deliver balloons with stuffed animals to you on your birthday? How much we enjoyed your basketball games. How you hated band practice? How you would have me lay down on the ground so you could do stunt jumps over me with your bicycle and ramp? I enjoyed your laughter so, I would do whatever you wanted to see your joy.
I hurt so much without you.
Do you remember when I would tell you about your life, early on, when your dad and I were pregnant with you, in the first couple of months, how I could feel you wiggling. You felt like a butterfly inside me, just wiggling. I feel that butterfly now. Only it doesn't feel like a butterfly wiggling for life. I feel the butterfly but it hurts, the butterfly is dying and I can't help it.
Do you remember 'flutterby kisses'?
Flutterby kisses, sugar, flutterby kisses. I ask Jesus and the Angels to give you flutterby kisses.
Tuesday, August 5, 2014
Sunday, August 3, 2014
Hugs in the Wind
Today was one of those beautiful sunny Colorado days you would have loved. I could just see you with Maggie running around the mountains in your jeep. Maggie with her big grin just being with you. You trying your best to find some new rock to 'crawl'. Instead, Maggie was here with Chase and I.
As I sit on the back deck with the waterfall cascading down the hillside, I notice the gazebo netting still bears the burn scar from your fire poi practice last summer. As I sit feeling ashamed with how upset I was with you for 'nearly burning down the house', a gentle breeze billows the netting to display the burn is actually the shape of a heart so full. It is then that I hear you whisper "I love you mama". As another slight breeze billows the netting. I feel your Hugs in the Wind and I am so blessed for this short time with you.
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